What comes first in mind when we hear word ‘FEAR’? 

Negative Emotion ! 

Let me tell you that fear also has positive aspect to it. Fear is an human emotion that can help  protect you from danger and prepare you to take action but if it last for long it can lead to  anxiety.  

FEAR CAN BE DEFINED AS :- 

False  

Evidence  

Appearing 

Real. 

Our fears are in fact irritational beliefs that we have about ourselves, our actions, objects,  other people or events. These fears only appear to be real within the recesses of our minds.  However, they have no basis in reality. They are made up interpretations that we make about  things within the physical world.  

Just think — Why one person is afraid of spiders while another person confidently handles  them in palm of their hand.  

IS THE SPIDER THAT GIVES LIFE TO THIS FEAR ? 

OR 

IS IT AN INTERPRETATION THAT IS MADE WITHIN THE MIND OF THE INDIVIDUAL WHO SEES  THE SPIDER ? 

Fear is nothing but the uncertainty we feel about the outcomes, circumstances & about the  unpredictability of future events. We don’t want to touch the spider because of the  uncertainty that it might actually harm us.  

 CONSEQUENCES 

• Fear creates resistance that pulls you away from opportunities and puts you into  comfort zone.  
• Every time you give into your fear, you are inviting insecurity which leads to lack of  confidence. 
• Fear leads to destructive behaviors in the forms of habit of laziness, procrastination,  self-doubting, purposefully neglecting our responsibilities.  
• If fear is dictating our daily decisions & actions, then hesitancy will dominate our  behavior & will take us to our comfort zone, which will be hurdle in our emotional &  intellectual growth. 
• Fear is a big hurdle in our motivation towards anything because they block our lives  with irrational obstacles that seem too difficult & overwhelming to deal with. • Fear may hold you back from developing key sets of skills. This can happen as process  of experience & can go through challenges, obstacles & problems. 
• Fear plays a major role in effective decision making in all aspects of life.

TIPS & TECHNIQUES TO OVERCOME FEAR  

First and foremost, acknowledge that it exists within your reality. Validate your fear,  Understand it. Then find out where it originates from? Find the sourse. This can be done by  asking questions like: – 

How did I originally come to fear this? 

How does this fear have hold on me? 

• Then determine the consequences of fear by asking yourself:- 

 In what way this fear is helping me? 

 What will I lose if I continue to hold on this fear? 

 What will I gain if I overcome this fear? 

• Then plan ahead of possible scenarios that could unfold as you move ahead beyond  this fear. This includes of identifying the techniques that can help you deal with  different scenarios of your fear from an emotional, physical, spiritual & mental  perspectives. 

This can be done by :- 

# Stop excuses 

# Turn your “should” into “musts” 

# Take actions 

# Practice self-care 

# Don’t try to be perfect 

# Reward yourself 

# Breath slowly/ deeply (be aware) 

# Take about it / join a selfhelp group 

# Take help / see a therapist 

# Know that failure is inevitable 

HAVE FAITH INSTEAD OF FEAR !!!

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1. Become best friends: Have a frank relationship by providing space and mindful listening. Make the other person comfortable to share and talk about anything and everything.

2. Communicate: Talk about everything good as well as bad. Do not presume the other person to know everything, always be verbal. While a great deal of emphasis in our society is put on talking, along with talking you can learn to listen in a way that makes another person feel valued and understood, you can build a deeper, stronger connection between you. There’s a big difference between listening in this way and simply hearing. When you really listen-when you’re engaged with what’s being said-you’ll hear the subtle intonations in your partner’s voice that tells you how they’re really feeling and the emotions they’re trying to communicate.

3. Be there for one another: Be present physically as well as mentally for the other person whenever there is the need for it. Every person has their own concerns, problems and issues and works through problems and issues in their own way. Remember that you’re a team. Continuing to move forward together can get you through the rough spots.

4. Appreciate each other: Do not miss a single opportunity to appreciate the other person. No matter how you choose to show your affection, though, expressing your appreciation of your significant other — and not just on Valentine’s Day. Make the person feel valuable and good when they have done any good deed.

5. Be Honest: Be honest and frank in whatever you say & do with the other person. It’s much easier and more fun to be authentic than to pretend to be something or someone else. It’s a base of healthy relationship.

6. Build Trust: Make the other person have complete trust in you by behaving and doing things that will help in building trust towards you. Good communication is a key part of any relationship. When both people know what they want from the relationship and feel comfortable expressing their needs, fears, and desires, it can increase trust and strengthen the bond between you. This in turn will lead to healthy, strong relation.

7. Make time for each other: Give good time to the person. Spend quality and quantity time with each other. No matter how busy you are, take a few minutes each day to put aside your electronic devices, gadgets, daily chores, stop thinking about other things, and really focus on and connect with your partner.

8. Leave the past to the past: Discuss the past, communicate, analyse, learn and then leave it, drop it, move on. This also includes your “ex’s”. Rather than looking to past conflicts or grudges and assigning blame, focus on what you can do in the here-and-now to solve the problem and move towards your mutual goal.

9. Be Faithful: Always be faithful with each other. Do not lie or manipulate. From trust springs respect, and both are necessary for sharing, interaction and growth. And it’s during times of stress and uncertainty, when your mutual commitment can be subject to doubt, that you truly discover how much – or how little – you trust one another.

10. Arguments are normal: Know that arguments are normal. Have healthy arguments and don’t take it further, drop it and move ahead. There might not be any conclusion. We need to understand that there is no competition, or to prove ourselves. Arguments are signs of care and concern.

11. Don’t expect Change: Do not expect any change in other person. Do not even try to make changes. Acknowledge that everyone is unique. If required communicate it but do not expect there to be change. Knowing what is truly important to your partner can go a long way towards building goodwill and an atmosphere of compromise. On the flip side, it’s also important for your partner to recognize your wants and for you to state them clearly. Constantly giving to others at the expense of your own needs will only build resentment and anger.

12. Appreciate the Flaws: Always appreciate the flaws by knowing that, they are the way they are, due to many factors. If you expect to get what you want 100% of the time in a relationship, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. No one can be exactly the way you might want them to be. Healthy relationships mean accepting people as they are and not trying to change them. Healthy relationships are built on compromise. However, it takes work on each person’s part to make sure that there is a reasonable exchange.

13. You won’t always be Happy: One must know that being happy is in us. You won’t always be on the same page. Sometimes one partner may be struggling with an issue that stresses them, such as the death of a close family member. Other events, like job loss or severe health problems, can affect both partners and make it difficult to relate to each other. You might have different ideas of managing finances or raising children. Different people cope with stress differently, and misunderstandings can rapidly turn to frustration and anger. One must not rely on other person’s behaviour or actions for us to be happy. You will not always be happy. There will be low and sad times.

14. Value each other’s Beliefs: Know each other’s beliefs & thoughts. Respect & Value them. There is no need to change as per other person’s beliefs until you feel the need to. But do not disrespect them. Do not judge them. If you can’t come to an agreement, agree to disagree. It takes two people to keep an argument going. If a conflict is going nowhere, you can choose to disengage and move on.

15. Lastly, Love each other Unconditionally: Love each other beyond any condition & boundaries. Do not have any conditions or do’s and don’ts attached to love. Each of you make the other feel loved and emotionally fulfilled. There’s a difference between being loved and feeling loved. When you feel loved, it makes you feel accepted and valued by your partner, like someone truly gets you. Some relationships get stuck in peaceful coexistence, but without the partners truly relating to each other emotionally. While the union may seem stable on the surface, a lack of ongoing involvement and emotional connection serves only to add distance between two people.

Finally, willingness and intent to achieve the goal of happier and healthier relationship by both the partners is all that matters.

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You would come across many books, journals, articles throwing light on how much it is important and how deep it affects our lives.

I would like to share a short story which I read somewhere –
There was an 8-year boy who went to his father and said “Dad, how can I be happy? I want to be happy, but don’t know how?” His father thought for a minute, looked around and gave him an Apple and said, “Keep this apple with you wherever you go – to school, play, your classes, music lessons, friend’s house, everywhere.” The boy was excited and took the apple with him. He followed what his father said and he kept the apple in his pocket all the time. Days passed and the apple started to rot and emit a foul smell. One day when he couldn’t take the smell any more, he went to his father and said, “The apple is rotting and emitting a foul smell I don’t want to keep it with me.” The father said, “Throw the apple. Similarly, also throw away all the thoughts, behaviours, and words which are negative and you have procured from others. Do not hold on to them or keep them with yourself, they will smell and in the long run pull you down. They will spread negativity and you will be sad. If you want to be happy don’t hold on to anything. In the short run they may help to boost you but in long run they will always pull you down, drag you and make you feel sad.”

In today’s world we will come across many people who could say, behave and even look true and happy on the outside, but the question is,

Are they really happy?

Is their behaviour true?

They might feel or it might seem like they are happy, but it would only be from outside and not happy internally. They might project by wearing a mask or might genuinely not be aware of it themselves, or not in connect with their inner self. There are many who know want to be but don’t know how?

Some would say if I achieve my goals, if my desires are fulfilled, when my suffering ends, if I achieve my targets, if I have sound happy harmonious relationship …… the list is endless even if we achieve all our desires, we will not be happy and even if we are, it would be temporary. There will always be a feeling of something is missing, helplessness, emptiness, frustration, sadness, worry, anxiousness, insecurity, unhappiness, which might lead to anger, depression, anxiety and so on.

In such a scenario people suggest and say – Be positive and things will change, its matter of time, that’s true but how? It’s easy to say but difficult to do.

As we grow older and gain more wisdom through the years, we realize that money or popularity by themselves do not spell success. Rather, it is the presence of happiness in our lives that makes it all worthwhile. We may be the wealthiest person on our street but if we’re miserable, we are far from successful.

Here are few tips / techniques that I have developed and would like to share:
1. Affirming True statements: Constant reminder that, “This too shall pass”, “Nothing is permanent”, “After every dark night there is a bright sunny morning”. I always considered these sayings to be a tonic to help us get through difficult times. It never occurred to me that I should ponder those words when times were good. In 2020, we’ve experienced both our “hour of pride” — new all-time highs in the stock market — and the “depths of affliction”, including the coronavirus, a collapsing economy and a stock market crash.
Only affirming, saying casually and not doing affirmations in right manner, with no action no words, it will not help in anyway. It is mere waste of time and energy. In fact, it will create negativity by its ineffectiveness and failure.

2. Taking the positives from Nature: Take the positives from nature and your surroundings and anchor them. Release the negativity. But How? By Being with nature, going to parks, beaches, mountains, gazing at the open sky or just taking a deep breath with open arms in your balcony or near your window, feeling the air, breeze with your eyes closed and taking all the positive energy from the nature within yourself. Our affinity toward nature is genetic and deep-rooted in evolution.
For example –
Have you ever wondered why most people prefer to book accommodations that have a great view from the balcony or the terrace?
Why patients who get a natural view from their hospital bed recover sooner than others?
Why does it happen that when stress takes a toll on our mind, we crave for time to figure out things amidst nature?

Now sit and pen down, journal down all your thoughts, emotions, and feelings. Vent out all the and be empty. Create space for new positivity to enter within you.

3. Fix dedicated time: In today’s world we are constantly bombarded, exposed to negatives which makes us anxious, fearful, insecure, sad, worried, major information, discussion, news is pulling us down by making us sad, unhappy but they are important for us to know, so we are with the current world. The list goes on and on. So, how do we reduce these things which are a large part of most people’s lives? Simple. Take a break from them.
Each day, we simply remove one negative influence from our daily routine. Turn off the T.V. early, avoid talking to your friend who only wants to complain about their spouse or walk to the store instead of driving. Fix your time, plan your day accordingly by keeping dedicated time duration for such information, discussion, reading and stick to it. Once you are done leave from it and shift. Shift yourself (physically and mentally).

4. Filtering the past and forgetting about it: Do not carry baggage – “Travel light – Be light”.
Analyse the past experiences, learn from them, change wherever necessary, drop the experience, forget it, grow from it and move on. It’s a process – a constant process for all the experiences.
Think about the following example:
We’re driving down the highway when we notice a car tailgating us. As we speed up, it speeds up as well. Now, most of us get angry and belligerent when this happens and will probably use a certain hand gesture when they eventually pass us. This will usually put us in a sour mood and we might even let this episode ruin our entire day.
Being tailgated is not a positive event in and of itself but if we choose to look at it from a different viewpoint, it can be.
What if we instead chose to believe that the person tailgating us had a pregnant woman in the vehicle who was about to give birth and needed to get to the hospital as soon as possible? Or what if it was a father of a 6-year old girl who was rushing to see her because she had a tragic accident at school?
Would we still be upset at them? I think not. Instead, we would get out of their way as quickly as possible and be glad to do it. This mentality can be used for virtually any event in our lives. Think about the power behind this for a moment.
We can literally change our outlook on life by choosing to view things in a positive light. And do you think this will lead to us being happier? Of course. But getting to the point where we can shift our mindset from negative emotions like fear, anger, and frustration to positive ones like forgiveness and empathy takes time and takes work. But it can be done through changing our habits.

I would put it in this way –
Experience – Analyse – Learn – Change – Drop – Forget – Grow – Move on.
Everything that happens in our lives is just a series of events. It’s how we react to these events that shape how our lives turn out. We can choose to react positively or negatively to anything that happens to us.

5. Boost your Immunity: Build your immunity. Make it strong by taking care of your physical health as well as mental health. As much as we hear it already, exercise, particularly vigorous exercise, really is a cure all. Getting those muscles pumping and oxygen working through the body does wonders for our emotional and physical health. If you aren’t exercising right now, you need to start. Exercise can be in the form of walking, jogging, cross training or playing tennis. The key is to start moving your body. You will feel better and look better and when those things happen. Plus, you will feel more confident, positive, and happy. That’s just a plain and simple fact.
Maintain a good physical health by eating right, proper physical exercise, and good sleep.
Maintaining a good mental health by staying in awareness with the emotions and feelings of oneself. Being in sync with your inner-self. This can be achieved by taking deep breaths, meditation, constantly reminding and staying alert and aware, spending time with self, affirming.
I have created my boosters (BE HAPPY LIST)
By penning down list of things that I like, enjoy & which boost my energy. I have written them on a piece of paper in bold font with different colour pens and put it on the wall in my bedroom close to dressing.
Whenever I am feeling low, sad, depressed, frustrated, upset – I go to this list and pick a tiny thing that clicks at that moment and start doing it. This helps me in being aware and making the shift easily.
I would not say more on this, rather would want you to try yourself and experience it.
Few things from my be happy list: –
• Painting.
• Reading.
• Talking to a friend.
• Shopping.
• Watching comedy shows.
• Listening to music and gazing outside the balcony.

I would conclude by saying.
Be Happy         Be Positive
Don’t Fear        Have Faith

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